All week I've been trying to hype myself up in preparation of my doctor's appointment tomorrow morning. I haven't been to the doctor in over a month, and it was the day after I had my ultrasound, so I was calm and relaxed because I had just seen my baby (and a heart rate of 136 bpm).
Sometimes I'm just not convinced that there is a lime-sized baby in my belly. I mean, how do I really know? I'm sorry if I'm boring you all by talking about all of my fears, but I just don't know what to do. I'm sure that they will use a Doppler to check for a heartbeat, and I'm terrified that they won't find one. Are my fears irrational? Probably. But that doesn't make them feel any less real? Not even almost. If I had a semi-bump, I'd probably feel better. Well, maybe I'd feel better. When I wake up in the morning my stomach is pretty much flat, there is a little curve near my bikini line, but nothing major. In the evenings, I have a more noticeable bulge in my stomach, but I know it's bloat.
I need to relax.
Maybe the midwife that I'm seeing (my usual midwife is on vacation, so that adds to my nerves as well) will take pity on me and order an ultrasound.
The good thing is that I haven't had any spotting or bleeding, and that is what I had with my miscarriage. It started off as spotting, and gradually progressed into what seemed like a heavy period. So I should just be hopeful that I'll hear my baby's heartbeat tomorrow, and that all will be well.
Gosh I'm nervous!!
With my last pregnancy, I didn't have many symptoms. My chest was sore, and I didn't have a period or PMS. That was pretty much what clued me in. This time, I've had everything! Nausea, slight cramps, fatigue, lack of appetite, thirst, etc. Which further points to a better possibility that things may be going okay. It's just the uncertainty that gets to me.
I'm going to pray my way through today.
2 comments:
Looking forward to your excitement tomorrow! I have a question if you don't mind me asking...When you found out you were pregnant this time, did you get your hormone levels checked to see if they were rising? To see if everything was going as planned in the beginning? I asked my doctor if I could come in when I get pregnant again and she said its normal to do that, so just curious if you did?
Thanks!
You have every right in the world to have nerves. I hope you get a freebie ultrasound tomorrow. Good luck and I can't wait to hear the wonderful update when you get back.
Post a Comment