A new day

Have you ever been feeling really down, and had someone say just the right thing to you and make you realize that things aren't as bad as they seem?  That happened to me yesterday.  Lalla from Expect the Unexpected commented on my post from yesterday and everything she said struck a chord with me.

After having an immense amount of guilt for giving Yorlee formula, the realization hit me that I wasn't being fair to myself.  Putting so much pressure on myself to EXCLUSIVELY give her breast milk was stressing me out and nearly making me ill.

Lalla stated that she only pumps at work, and enjoys her time and home with her (GORGEOUS) daughter.  I was pumping at work, pumping at home, pumping in the middle of the night, etc.  Not only was I starting to wear myself out, but Yorlee was also getting frustrated.  Yesterday after I pumped, she started rooting, so I placed her on the breast and she SCREAMED!!!  She was so mad at me because I had pumped all of her milk out.  I ended up having to give her the milk I had just pumped in a bottle, and before I could do that, I had to calm her down.  That's when reality hit me.  I'm trying to do too much.  And I was feeling like a failure as a mom at the same time.  So from this day forward, I'll pump at work, and spend quality time with my daughter when I'm at home.  If I don't pump the full 20 ounces that she drinks a day, we'll supplement with formula.  Also, I'm going to start giving her a bit of rice cereal in the evenings.  She had her first taste of it yesterday and absolutely loved it!  On top of it all, she slept from 9PM until 4:30AM on her own, and in another room!!  I was so surprised!

Pictures to come soon....

Breastfeeding and Mommy guilt

Lately, breastfeeding has been stressing me out.  Well, not breastfeeding, pumping has been stressing me out.  I haven't been pumping nearly as much at work for Yorlee, but I've been able to slide by without needing to supplement with formula.  Unfortunately, I wasn't able to do so this morning.  For the first time EVER, I had to send along two bottles of formula in addition to the two bottles of milk I had pumped.

I know that stress can cause a drop in breast milk production, however, I tend to stress when I don't produce enough.  It's a vicious cycle.

The guilt that I feel amazes me.  I know that plenty of babies are formula fed and they turn out great, however, my personal goal was to exclusively breastfeed until Yorlee was 6 months old.  Sending those two bottles of formula today felt like a dagger in my heart.  I know she'll be okay, I know I'll be okay, it's just really hard right now.

I've been doing everything that I can to help my milk production.  Yesterday I drank six cups of Mother's Milk tea, ate three cups of Life cereal, three bowls of oatmeal, drank 50 ounces of water, and consumed an additional 1500 calories.  I pumped seven ounces total.  Only three of those were pumped while I was at work.  I even woke up at 3AM to pump again, and was able to get 5 ounces total so I was able to send two six ounce bottles of breastmilk.

What could be causing my drop in supply?  I've been WAY more stressed in the past than I am now, and was still able to pump 20 ounces a day.  So I don't think it's entirely due to that.  I nurse Yorlee on demand when I pick her up from daycare as well as the weekends.  I just don't get it.

I hope that she only drinks two of the bottles today so that she doesn't need the formula.