Those two words totally describe me today. I'm just out of it. Preterm labor is still a major worry of mine. I think about it every day. And lately there have been so many sad stories on the forums that I belong too that I'm seriously thinking about taking a break from them (I'm not going to post the details of the stories because personally, I don't like to read them). That may be the best thing for me to do. Even though my midwife didn't mention the need for me to do a "kick count", I do one anyways. Thankfully Bunny is very active so just as soon as I start to worry because I haven't felt her move, she'll throw a series of karate kicks my way. I love it!
I'm trying to cheer up. Bunny has been doing great, my doctor said that she's really consistent. Her heart rate was good at my last appointment, everything seems well, I feel good, etc. I guess all of my anxiety is part of the "waiting for the other shoe to drop" mindset that I have acquired over the years.
Hopefully I'll feel better after the baby shower, when I actually have some of the items that we'll need for Bunny, and I'll be about 6 weeks away from full term.
So I'm going to focus on the following:
1. Relaxing
2. Keeping up the kick counts
3. Drinking more water
4. Childbirth classes
5. Baby shower preparations
6. Hospital tour
7. My countdown until full term
Showing posts with label Pregnoid. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Pregnoid. Show all posts
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Thursday, September 16, 2010
They didn't mention this in the pregnancy books...
Of course I went out and bought all the pregnancy books once I found out I was pregnant. Well, many of them I already had, but a few new ones were added to the collection.
Every week my husband and I go through and read about what's going on with the baby, and my body. It helps keep us informed, and bond with the baby. We both knew I'd be emotional, possibly swollen, and gaining weight. But lately I've been feeling this overwhelming fear of something happening to my husband. I may have mentioned it before, but it's really bad today. Actually, lately it's gotten worse. It's to the point that if he doesn't answer his phone I completely freak out. If I can't see his chest rising and falling when he sleeps I wake him up. I can think about him and start bawling. Maybe it's my hormones preparing me to check on Bunny when she's born and make sure that she's okay. I'm not sure.
My husband usually drops me off at work so we don't have to pay for parking, and so I don't have to walk by myself to my building. It's POURING down rain today, the roads are bad, and I'm highly emotional. I'm freaking out about something happening to my husband during his drive to work.
I'm slightly concerned about this because it's so out of character for me. Usually my personality is laid back, and I don't get stressed very easily. So for me to get worked up over things that aren't even confirmed is kind of scary. And I think that fact that I watched 'The Time Traveler's Wife' on Monday made it even worse. I hope these feelings go away after Bunny is born, I can't imagine feeling like this forever...
Every week my husband and I go through and read about what's going on with the baby, and my body. It helps keep us informed, and bond with the baby. We both knew I'd be emotional, possibly swollen, and gaining weight. But lately I've been feeling this overwhelming fear of something happening to my husband. I may have mentioned it before, but it's really bad today. Actually, lately it's gotten worse. It's to the point that if he doesn't answer his phone I completely freak out. If I can't see his chest rising and falling when he sleeps I wake him up. I can think about him and start bawling. Maybe it's my hormones preparing me to check on Bunny when she's born and make sure that she's okay. I'm not sure.
My husband usually drops me off at work so we don't have to pay for parking, and so I don't have to walk by myself to my building. It's POURING down rain today, the roads are bad, and I'm highly emotional. I'm freaking out about something happening to my husband during his drive to work.
I'm slightly concerned about this because it's so out of character for me. Usually my personality is laid back, and I don't get stressed very easily. So for me to get worked up over things that aren't even confirmed is kind of scary. And I think that fact that I watched 'The Time Traveler's Wife' on Monday made it even worse. I hope these feelings go away after Bunny is born, I can't imagine feeling like this forever...
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Worry, worry, worry...
It all started on April 17, 2010. The day that my First Response pregnancy test came back positive. That day will go down in history, and is often played like a movie in my head. There was no way that my mind thought that pregnancy test would be positive, but there it was, with the faintest of a second line telling me that there was indeed something growing in my belly.
What a wonderful day!
Since that day, everything worries me. When my doctor requested to monitor my beta levels, the worry came. "What if they don't double? What if they're too low? What if it was a chemical pregnancy?" All of those thoughts ran through my head. When my beta levels didn't quite double and my doctor called in an early ultrasound for me, the worry set in again. But low and behold, everything was fine.
Remember the minor freak out that commenced before my 11 week appointment? Every muscle in my body was tense because the worry of wondering whether or not the heartbeat would be detected was freaking me out. But low and behold, everything was fine.
And then the Doppler was purchased. My mind was put to ease as that little "lub-lub-lub" sound was so easily heard. All of that worrying, and my baby was still safe and sound.
Fast forward to the AFP testing (which tests for Down Syndrome and Spina Bifida)... more worries, more freak outs, negative results, all was fine. And it was confirmed that Bunny was okay during the 18 week Fetal Anomaly Survey.
My heart is so involved in this pregnancy, that at times worry can't be evaded. I love Bunny more than I could have ever imagined. My nights are spent dreaming about her, my days are spent enjoying her move around in my belly and getting things ready for her. The thought of something happening to her makes me feel like my heart was ripped out of my chest. Which brings on my most recent worry: Prematurity.
The internet can be both a gift and a curse. I know too much about prematurity and micro-preemies, NICU's, nasal cannula's, feeding tubes, heart defects, eyesight problems, etc. In the days that I was researching everything (after a friend of mine gave birth to her daughter at just 23 weeks, and yes she did survive and is 7 years old today), I felt empowered. I knew what to expect. But now I feel overwhelmed with fear at times. It creeps into my mind and heart like a thief in the night. One minute I'm fine, daydreaming about kissing a full term chubby cheeked baby, and the next I'm freaking out and concerned that I'm going to go into early labor.
The reason behind this post is just to get all of my feelings and concerns out, and remind myself that a worry over a certain issue does not mean that the issue will become a reality. And I honestly think it's a part of motherhood. I'm concerned about my baby's well being, and I try to think that it's a good sign. Her needs already supersede my own. I'm changing. I'm becoming a Mom, not just physically, but mentally and emotionally.
All I know is that I pray for my sweet baby girl every single day. I want her to be safe, and healthy, and to know that she is loved. After all, she is my dream come true.
What a wonderful day!
Since that day, everything worries me. When my doctor requested to monitor my beta levels, the worry came. "What if they don't double? What if they're too low? What if it was a chemical pregnancy?" All of those thoughts ran through my head. When my beta levels didn't quite double and my doctor called in an early ultrasound for me, the worry set in again. But low and behold, everything was fine.
Remember the minor freak out that commenced before my 11 week appointment? Every muscle in my body was tense because the worry of wondering whether or not the heartbeat would be detected was freaking me out. But low and behold, everything was fine.
And then the Doppler was purchased. My mind was put to ease as that little "lub-lub-lub" sound was so easily heard. All of that worrying, and my baby was still safe and sound.
Fast forward to the AFP testing (which tests for Down Syndrome and Spina Bifida)... more worries, more freak outs, negative results, all was fine. And it was confirmed that Bunny was okay during the 18 week Fetal Anomaly Survey.
My heart is so involved in this pregnancy, that at times worry can't be evaded. I love Bunny more than I could have ever imagined. My nights are spent dreaming about her, my days are spent enjoying her move around in my belly and getting things ready for her. The thought of something happening to her makes me feel like my heart was ripped out of my chest. Which brings on my most recent worry: Prematurity.
The internet can be both a gift and a curse. I know too much about prematurity and micro-preemies, NICU's, nasal cannula's, feeding tubes, heart defects, eyesight problems, etc. In the days that I was researching everything (after a friend of mine gave birth to her daughter at just 23 weeks, and yes she did survive and is 7 years old today), I felt empowered. I knew what to expect. But now I feel overwhelmed with fear at times. It creeps into my mind and heart like a thief in the night. One minute I'm fine, daydreaming about kissing a full term chubby cheeked baby, and the next I'm freaking out and concerned that I'm going to go into early labor.
The reason behind this post is just to get all of my feelings and concerns out, and remind myself that a worry over a certain issue does not mean that the issue will become a reality. And I honestly think it's a part of motherhood. I'm concerned about my baby's well being, and I try to think that it's a good sign. Her needs already supersede my own. I'm changing. I'm becoming a Mom, not just physically, but mentally and emotionally.
All I know is that I pray for my sweet baby girl every single day. I want her to be safe, and healthy, and to know that she is loved. After all, she is my dream come true.
Monday, August 2, 2010
Oh, the HORRORmones!!
(Please note, if you are TTCing or dealing with IF or pregnancy loss, I really hope this post doesn't offend you. I try to take everyone into consideration when I write my posts. I hope you understand. If not, I truly apologize. I don't want to hurt anyone...)
I must say, I'm pretty fortunate thus far. The meltdowns and temper flares have been at a minimum during this pregnancy. My husband knows he has it good, and he attempts to keep me from blowing my lid, which is great. But lately, I've been feeling it...
I get irritated SO easily. Maybe it's the leg cramps that keep me awake at night. Maybe it's the frequent trips to the bathroom, and the fact that Lil' Miss Priss loves to stay up all night and party. Or maybe it's the fact that I actually have a belly now, and I'm feeling a tad bit more uncomfortable. The tears come easily. I feel unsettled, and scared, and nervous. My mind runs a mile a minute, and I'm full of fears. Fears of our apartment catching fire, or my husband being hurt, or losing my job, or bill piling up sky-high. It could be pregnancy induced anxiety. Actually, I'm pretty sure that's what it is.
Taking it easy is hard to do when you feel like so much work needs to be done. We're still trying to clean out the room that will eventually be Lil' Miss Priss' nursery. And now I'm trying to help plan my shower. AND, I'm almost halfway done with this pregnancy! That just blows my mind. All of a sudden I feel as though I'm running out of time. It's already August, and December doesn't seem to far away.
I know that everything will work out. In my heart I truly believe that. But when you're mind is clouded by HORRORmones, and you're sleep deprived, it can get pretty difficult to see the light. A lot of my worry is about the baby. Hoping that she isn't premature, concerns about delivery and complications, bonding with her, etc. Also I have concerns about how my relationship with my husband will change. I think that not having had a mother and father in my life is still taking a toll on me. I'm feeling insecure about everything.
Sorry for rambling on and on, but I just had to get this out. I'm sure one day, when Lil' Miss Priss is crawling around, I'll be thinking, "WHY was I worried about that? I should have spent more time relaxing!!" So that's what I'm trying to do, relax and take each day as it comes.
I must say, I'm pretty fortunate thus far. The meltdowns and temper flares have been at a minimum during this pregnancy. My husband knows he has it good, and he attempts to keep me from blowing my lid, which is great. But lately, I've been feeling it...
I get irritated SO easily. Maybe it's the leg cramps that keep me awake at night. Maybe it's the frequent trips to the bathroom, and the fact that Lil' Miss Priss loves to stay up all night and party. Or maybe it's the fact that I actually have a belly now, and I'm feeling a tad bit more uncomfortable. The tears come easily. I feel unsettled, and scared, and nervous. My mind runs a mile a minute, and I'm full of fears. Fears of our apartment catching fire, or my husband being hurt, or losing my job, or bill piling up sky-high. It could be pregnancy induced anxiety. Actually, I'm pretty sure that's what it is.
Taking it easy is hard to do when you feel like so much work needs to be done. We're still trying to clean out the room that will eventually be Lil' Miss Priss' nursery. And now I'm trying to help plan my shower. AND, I'm almost halfway done with this pregnancy! That just blows my mind. All of a sudden I feel as though I'm running out of time. It's already August, and December doesn't seem to far away.
I know that everything will work out. In my heart I truly believe that. But when you're mind is clouded by HORRORmones, and you're sleep deprived, it can get pretty difficult to see the light. A lot of my worry is about the baby. Hoping that she isn't premature, concerns about delivery and complications, bonding with her, etc. Also I have concerns about how my relationship with my husband will change. I think that not having had a mother and father in my life is still taking a toll on me. I'm feeling insecure about everything.
Sorry for rambling on and on, but I just had to get this out. I'm sure one day, when Lil' Miss Priss is crawling around, I'll be thinking, "WHY was I worried about that? I should have spent more time relaxing!!" So that's what I'm trying to do, relax and take each day as it comes.
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Doc Appt tomorrow... and I'm SCARED!!
All week I've been trying to hype myself up in preparation of my doctor's appointment tomorrow morning. I haven't been to the doctor in over a month, and it was the day after I had my ultrasound, so I was calm and relaxed because I had just seen my baby (and a heart rate of 136 bpm).
Sometimes I'm just not convinced that there is a lime-sized baby in my belly. I mean, how do I really know? I'm sorry if I'm boring you all by talking about all of my fears, but I just don't know what to do. I'm sure that they will use a Doppler to check for a heartbeat, and I'm terrified that they won't find one. Are my fears irrational? Probably. But that doesn't make them feel any less real? Not even almost. If I had a semi-bump, I'd probably feel better. Well, maybe I'd feel better. When I wake up in the morning my stomach is pretty much flat, there is a little curve near my bikini line, but nothing major. In the evenings, I have a more noticeable bulge in my stomach, but I know it's bloat.
I need to relax.
Maybe the midwife that I'm seeing (my usual midwife is on vacation, so that adds to my nerves as well) will take pity on me and order an ultrasound.
The good thing is that I haven't had any spotting or bleeding, and that is what I had with my miscarriage. It started off as spotting, and gradually progressed into what seemed like a heavy period. So I should just be hopeful that I'll hear my baby's heartbeat tomorrow, and that all will be well.
Gosh I'm nervous!!
With my last pregnancy, I didn't have many symptoms. My chest was sore, and I didn't have a period or PMS. That was pretty much what clued me in. This time, I've had everything! Nausea, slight cramps, fatigue, lack of appetite, thirst, etc. Which further points to a better possibility that things may be going okay. It's just the uncertainty that gets to me.
I'm going to pray my way through today.
Sometimes I'm just not convinced that there is a lime-sized baby in my belly. I mean, how do I really know? I'm sorry if I'm boring you all by talking about all of my fears, but I just don't know what to do. I'm sure that they will use a Doppler to check for a heartbeat, and I'm terrified that they won't find one. Are my fears irrational? Probably. But that doesn't make them feel any less real? Not even almost. If I had a semi-bump, I'd probably feel better. Well, maybe I'd feel better. When I wake up in the morning my stomach is pretty much flat, there is a little curve near my bikini line, but nothing major. In the evenings, I have a more noticeable bulge in my stomach, but I know it's bloat.
I need to relax.
Maybe the midwife that I'm seeing (my usual midwife is on vacation, so that adds to my nerves as well) will take pity on me and order an ultrasound.
The good thing is that I haven't had any spotting or bleeding, and that is what I had with my miscarriage. It started off as spotting, and gradually progressed into what seemed like a heavy period. So I should just be hopeful that I'll hear my baby's heartbeat tomorrow, and that all will be well.
Gosh I'm nervous!!
With my last pregnancy, I didn't have many symptoms. My chest was sore, and I didn't have a period or PMS. That was pretty much what clued me in. This time, I've had everything! Nausea, slight cramps, fatigue, lack of appetite, thirst, etc. Which further points to a better possibility that things may be going okay. It's just the uncertainty that gets to me.
I'm going to pray my way through today.
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
10 Weeks Down/ 30 to Go!!
How far along? 10 weeks exactly
Total weight gain/loss: Still down, about 5 lbs
Sleep: TONS! I'm still pretty exhausted. I've been staying up past 9PM lately, but I really feel it the next day.
Food cravings: Pickles, I might stop and buy some on the way home. It's the only thing that sounds good. Still struggling with food, but it seems to be getting a little bit better.
Best moment this week: Realizing that I'm 1/4 of the way done! Time feels like it's creeping by, but it isn't.
Movement: Still too early for that. Can't wait!
Gender: I have no clue, one day I'll think girl, and the next day I'll swear I'm going to have a boy.
Labor Signs: Not for a LONG time!!
Belly Button in or out? Still in. It's so weird to me how my stomach can look pretty normal in the morning, but by the afternoon it's HUGELY bloated.
What I miss: Feeling normal. I miss not stressing over every single thing. I worry if the baby is still alive, I worry about if I'm eating enough, I worry about if this pregnancy is actually going to result in a real live baby. I just worry. And it's starting to take a toll on me.
What I am looking forward to: My next ultrasound, and hitting the second trimester. Only a few more weeks!
Weekly Wisdom: It's normal for symptoms to come and go. I was nervous because I wasn't nauseous one day, only to feel pretty bad the next.
Milestones: Staying sane for another week! Woo-hoo! I'm proud of myself.
This pregnancy has really been a struggle for me. I really wish that I could be more optimistic and hopeful about everything, but I'm still really scarred emotionally from the miscarriage I had in December. Even though it was a completely different situation (I had bleeding almost from the moment I found out I was pregnant), it still haunts me. I feel like I'm just waiting with baited breath for the other shoe to drop. It's really hard. I wish I hadn't told anyone. Sometimes I want to forget that I'm pregnant, and I also find that I'm wishing time away. I know that stress isn't good for me or the baby, so I need to figure out a way to put my mind at ease. I considered buying a Doppler, but I really wonder if that will help me or harm me. If I can't find the heartbeat one day, I'll FREAK OUT. And I just don't know if it's a good idea for me to put myself through that. I'm trying to take it one day at a time.
Total weight gain/loss: Still down, about 5 lbs
Sleep: TONS! I'm still pretty exhausted. I've been staying up past 9PM lately, but I really feel it the next day.
Food cravings: Pickles, I might stop and buy some on the way home. It's the only thing that sounds good. Still struggling with food, but it seems to be getting a little bit better.
Best moment this week: Realizing that I'm 1/4 of the way done! Time feels like it's creeping by, but it isn't.
Movement: Still too early for that. Can't wait!
Gender: I have no clue, one day I'll think girl, and the next day I'll swear I'm going to have a boy.
Labor Signs: Not for a LONG time!!
Belly Button in or out? Still in. It's so weird to me how my stomach can look pretty normal in the morning, but by the afternoon it's HUGELY bloated.
What I miss: Feeling normal. I miss not stressing over every single thing. I worry if the baby is still alive, I worry about if I'm eating enough, I worry about if this pregnancy is actually going to result in a real live baby. I just worry. And it's starting to take a toll on me.
What I am looking forward to: My next ultrasound, and hitting the second trimester. Only a few more weeks!
Weekly Wisdom: It's normal for symptoms to come and go. I was nervous because I wasn't nauseous one day, only to feel pretty bad the next.
Milestones: Staying sane for another week! Woo-hoo! I'm proud of myself.
This pregnancy has really been a struggle for me. I really wish that I could be more optimistic and hopeful about everything, but I'm still really scarred emotionally from the miscarriage I had in December. Even though it was a completely different situation (I had bleeding almost from the moment I found out I was pregnant), it still haunts me. I feel like I'm just waiting with baited breath for the other shoe to drop. It's really hard. I wish I hadn't told anyone. Sometimes I want to forget that I'm pregnant, and I also find that I'm wishing time away. I know that stress isn't good for me or the baby, so I need to figure out a way to put my mind at ease. I considered buying a Doppler, but I really wonder if that will help me or harm me. If I can't find the heartbeat one day, I'll FREAK OUT. And I just don't know if it's a good idea for me to put myself through that. I'm trying to take it one day at a time.
Friday, May 21, 2010
I think I'm going crazy...
This pregnancy has brought out a totally new side of me. I've completely lost my mind. Between the super scary nightmares I've been having (which are so vivid I could swear that they are real!) to my feeling completely positive about this pregnancy and then minutes later swearing that it's over.
My emotions are completely up and down at the moment. But I hear that's normal.
My days pretty much consist of poking my "girls" to make sure they are still sore. Poke.... OUCH!!! Poke.... OUCH!!! and so on and so forth. It's ridiculous!
Also, a lot of my time is spent thinking that my pregnancy symptoms are vanishing. I do hear that it's normal for them to come and go. I'll have been nauseous ALL day the day before. And then the next day, at 5AM I'm laying in bed freaking out because I'm not nauseous yet, only to feel horrible for the rest of the day. How do people make it from one doctors appointment to the next without freaking out? I promised myself I wouldn't be THAT person. But the fear of the unknown still looms over my head like a dark cloud. Knowing that everything could end in a second makes my heart skip a beat. Oh boy, what I would give to be naive again.
I used to think my paranoia would cease once I hit twelve weeks, but now I'm not so sure that it will. Heck, I don't think it will EVER go away, even after the baby is born I'll still worry that the baby is still breathing, eating enough, happy enough, warm enough, etc. So I guess I should just get used to it. I know I should take it one day at a time. But it's difficult.
On the upside, I'm not religiously checking for spotting anymore. I'm proud of myself for doing that. Also, I haven't had even a speck of blood since my ultrasound. So that gives me some peace of mind. But now I need another ultrasound so I can see my baby with it's heart still beating, and know that things are okay. I really need them to be okay. In my heart I feel as though this is really it, we will really get our baby this time. But my mind is so much wiser. My mind knows that anything can happen...
My emotions are completely up and down at the moment. But I hear that's normal.
My days pretty much consist of poking my "girls" to make sure they are still sore. Poke.... OUCH!!! Poke.... OUCH!!! and so on and so forth. It's ridiculous!
Also, a lot of my time is spent thinking that my pregnancy symptoms are vanishing. I do hear that it's normal for them to come and go. I'll have been nauseous ALL day the day before. And then the next day, at 5AM I'm laying in bed freaking out because I'm not nauseous yet, only to feel horrible for the rest of the day. How do people make it from one doctors appointment to the next without freaking out? I promised myself I wouldn't be THAT person. But the fear of the unknown still looms over my head like a dark cloud. Knowing that everything could end in a second makes my heart skip a beat. Oh boy, what I would give to be naive again.
I used to think my paranoia would cease once I hit twelve weeks, but now I'm not so sure that it will. Heck, I don't think it will EVER go away, even after the baby is born I'll still worry that the baby is still breathing, eating enough, happy enough, warm enough, etc. So I guess I should just get used to it. I know I should take it one day at a time. But it's difficult.
On the upside, I'm not religiously checking for spotting anymore. I'm proud of myself for doing that. Also, I haven't had even a speck of blood since my ultrasound. So that gives me some peace of mind. But now I need another ultrasound so I can see my baby with it's heart still beating, and know that things are okay. I really need them to be okay. In my heart I feel as though this is really it, we will really get our baby this time. But my mind is so much wiser. My mind knows that anything can happen...
Monday, February 22, 2010
Not feeling well
Over the past couple of days, I've noticed that I feel warmer than usual. Even to the touch. I snuggled up to DH the other day, and he jumped away telling me that I was hot. I've also felt lightheaded, and like I'm dragging. I even had to break down and take a nap today at work. I'm SLEEPY!
Now, all of these things probably don't mean anything. But I've also been eating two breakfast sandwiches a day at work. And they're not like McDonald's breakfast sandwiches, where they're small. They are made out of actual bread slices, and have bacon, eggs, and cheese on them. Yummy! Also, after I eat them, I'm still starving, so I have to drink a bottle of water to feel full. Then I'm hungry again at lunch time.
What gives? If I am in fact, pregnant, why can't I have the usual "google-able" pregnancy symptoms? AhhhhhH! (End rant).
I'm just going to see what happens, and go crazy in the meantime.
Now, all of these things probably don't mean anything. But I've also been eating two breakfast sandwiches a day at work. And they're not like McDonald's breakfast sandwiches, where they're small. They are made out of actual bread slices, and have bacon, eggs, and cheese on them. Yummy! Also, after I eat them, I'm still starving, so I have to drink a bottle of water to feel full. Then I'm hungry again at lunch time.
What gives? If I am in fact, pregnant, why can't I have the usual "google-able" pregnancy symptoms? AhhhhhH! (End rant).
I'm just going to see what happens, and go crazy in the meantime.
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Hello world, meet.... PREGNOID!!
Dun-dun-DUNNNNN!!
(insert Godzilla theme music here)
So, I'm not sure if I'm pregnant or not, but I AM sure that I'm pregnoid.
What is pregnoid, you may ask? Well, that is when you are extremely paranoid about something happening to you while you are pregnant (or may be pregnant), and conjure up all sorts of ridiculous scenarios in your head.
I finally figured out that I was suffering from this when I was out to eat with my older sister after work. We decided to meet at a restaurant near our jobs, and once I realized that the restaurant was more of a "bar" environment, I freaked. I somehow felt as though being NEAR alcohol would be bad for me to be around. I started sweating when the waiter (scratch that, BARTENDER) asked me what I'd like to drink. I somehow managed to squeak out, "Water, ju-ju-just water". I'm certain that he must have assumed I was either a stuttering lunatic, sitting there sweating and shifting in my seat, or that I was underage and was trying to fake being legal. So I ordered a drink, not sure what it was, I just got what my sister was having. Then, we decide to look at the menu. FISH, and MORE FISH!! Anyone who knows me IRL, knows that I LOVE fish... It's delicious, I'd eat it every day if I could. Well, now that I'm in pregnant limbo, I felt as though just seeing the word FISH would certainly cause me to miscarry the phantom pregnancy that I thought up in my head, or that I would cause my nonexistent child to have some sort of mental issue. Finally, after making it through two hours of dinner without losing my cool, it was time to pay the bill. We almost forgot about the bill, and stood up to put our coats on. Then my sister said, "Oh, where do we pay?", and I sat back down. HARD. Well, probably not hard to the normal person, but hard enough for pregnoid me, to think that I probably caused my uterus to fall out in the booth. Commence total freak out. My heart started racing, and it took all of my power to relax again. I cursed myself for not being gentle enough, and felt near tears. But the near crying episode almost happened AFTER I realized that we had to walk to the car. And when I say walk, I mean about 4 blocks. Again, this may not seem far to the normal person, but to pregnoid me, who had already shook her uterus out after slamming her rear down on a hard seat in a fish filled restaurant, it pretty much sent me over the edge. I could just imagine my loose uterus plopping out on the corner of Congress Street. Oh, dear God!! I've lost my marbles. Also, let it be known that I'm also afraid to sneeze, or poop, or do anything that exerts energy, for the sake of a healthy pregnancy.
See? I told ya, I'm PREGNOID!!!!!!
(insert Godzilla theme music here)
So, I'm not sure if I'm pregnant or not, but I AM sure that I'm pregnoid.
What is pregnoid, you may ask? Well, that is when you are extremely paranoid about something happening to you while you are pregnant (or may be pregnant), and conjure up all sorts of ridiculous scenarios in your head.
I finally figured out that I was suffering from this when I was out to eat with my older sister after work. We decided to meet at a restaurant near our jobs, and once I realized that the restaurant was more of a "bar" environment, I freaked. I somehow felt as though being NEAR alcohol would be bad for me to be around. I started sweating when the waiter (scratch that, BARTENDER) asked me what I'd like to drink. I somehow managed to squeak out, "Water, ju-ju-just water". I'm certain that he must have assumed I was either a stuttering lunatic, sitting there sweating and shifting in my seat, or that I was underage and was trying to fake being legal. So I ordered a drink, not sure what it was, I just got what my sister was having. Then, we decide to look at the menu. FISH, and MORE FISH!! Anyone who knows me IRL, knows that I LOVE fish... It's delicious, I'd eat it every day if I could. Well, now that I'm in pregnant limbo, I felt as though just seeing the word FISH would certainly cause me to miscarry the phantom pregnancy that I thought up in my head, or that I would cause my nonexistent child to have some sort of mental issue. Finally, after making it through two hours of dinner without losing my cool, it was time to pay the bill. We almost forgot about the bill, and stood up to put our coats on. Then my sister said, "Oh, where do we pay?", and I sat back down. HARD. Well, probably not hard to the normal person, but hard enough for pregnoid me, to think that I probably caused my uterus to fall out in the booth. Commence total freak out. My heart started racing, and it took all of my power to relax again. I cursed myself for not being gentle enough, and felt near tears. But the near crying episode almost happened AFTER I realized that we had to walk to the car. And when I say walk, I mean about 4 blocks. Again, this may not seem far to the normal person, but to pregnoid me, who had already shook her uterus out after slamming her rear down on a hard seat in a fish filled restaurant, it pretty much sent me over the edge. I could just imagine my loose uterus plopping out on the corner of Congress Street. Oh, dear God!! I've lost my marbles. Also, let it be known that I'm also afraid to sneeze, or poop, or do anything that exerts energy, for the sake of a healthy pregnancy.
See? I told ya, I'm PREGNOID!!!!!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)