Yesterday, I had a conversation with my husband about us TTC. We both know that we want children, we both don't feel the need to protect against pregnancy, I thought we were both on the same page in regards to "trying". However, I was wrong.
My husband doesn't want to know when I'm ovulating or when I'm in my "fertile period". He said that he doesn't want to know about my OPKs, or anything else that has to do with my fertility. When I give him the heads up when we're nearing a point that it would be good to try to conceive, he stated that it makes him feel uncomfortable. I don't get it. I don't understand why he wouldn't want to know when the best chances are to conceive a child, that he wants so much, would be. I mean, isn't that the point of TTC? Tracking your fertility so that you can get pregnant and have a baby?
Matter of fact, he told me that when I'm ovulating I should "lie to him" and just act like I'm feeling particularly frisky, instead of telling him that we should get down to business in order to procreate. I don't feel like I should have to lie to anyone about anything. According to him, it takes the romance out of things when he knows that we are doing the deed to create a particular outcome. In my opinion, knowing that our love could create life is almost romantic in a way. But men will be men.
It makes me feel so alone in this whole TTC process. My family doesn't really know, or support, the fact that we want children, so I don't talk to them about it. I don't have parents that I can go to, I'm not sure how much my friends would understand. So that leave him, my other half, the one I declared in front of everyone that I would spend the rest of my life with. We're supposed to be there for each other. This situation makes me want to stop trying all together.
I may be hormonal, irritated, on edge, on the verge of tears, etc. But I do feel as though my feelings are valid. Making my husband understand my point of view is my goal, but I know it's going to be hard. Why can't things just be easy?
1 comment:
I think this happens to every guy after a certain point in TTC. I didn't understand why my DH was the same way last year, but now I do. Many men feel like fertility is their responsibility. There's something macho about being able to make a baby and studies show that men take a lot of the blame internally when conceiving isn't easy.
By telling him when would be a good time to have sex to get pregnant, it makes sex a job and the pressure to get the job done can be really stressful. At one point, I put so much pressure on DH during a string of OPKs that he actually could NOT have sex with me. He felt so much anxiety that his body couldn't do it, and we'd never had that problem before.
I ended up completely stopping filling him in on my ovulation, etc. For him, we were just doing what came naturally and not because we were trying to get anything long-term out of it. He was less stressed, so I was less stressed, and TTC actually became a little fun again.
Just some food for thought. I understand how you feel, and it's one of the most stressful times for you, but you may be making it harder on yourself in the long run by being upset with him about it.
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