Better

I'm doing SO much better. I feel more relaxed, and less stressed. Taking a break from TTC has been such a great idea. I went from having "pregnancy envy" to actually being happy for pregnant women when I see them. Before, whenever I'd see someone pregnant or with an infant I would think 'oh man, I HAVE to get pregnant soon and have a baby! I can't wait to have kids!!!' and my heart would race. Currently, if I see a pregnant woman on television, or at the grocery store, it's more of an, "Awww! I'll have a cute belly like that one day." So I've really toned it down.

The overanalyzing of my body has stopped as well. I'm just letting my body do what it needs to do to get back to normal. Rushing after having a miscarriage was only stressing me out, and I felt like a failure when I didn't get pregnant immediately. Now I'm more focused on healing and being happy.

I'm not counting cycle days at all, or checking for signs of ovulation. I just want to relax, and feel worry free for awhile. Also, I look at how much the lives of people with children change, and I give my husband an extra squeeze and relish in the fact that for the moment he's all mine. I sleep in late, have a few drinks, and just do what makes me happy. I'm not worrying about a "fertility friendly diet" or totally abstaining from alcohol at the moment. I'm focusing on ME. And gosh darnit, it feels gerat!

My husband was concerned because I made such a total transformation. He thought that maybe I was hiding my feelings. But once I started to do what I felt was right for ME, I ran with it. And I love it. Maybe one day I'll be back to my old self, rushing to get those two pink lines, but for now I'm content.