This pregnancy has brought out a totally new side of me. I've completely lost my mind. Between the super scary nightmares I've been having (which are so vivid I could swear that they are real!) to my feeling completely positive about this pregnancy and then minutes later swearing that it's over.
My emotions are completely up and down at the moment. But I hear that's normal.
My days pretty much consist of poking my "girls" to make sure they are still sore. Poke.... OUCH!!! Poke.... OUCH!!! and so on and so forth. It's ridiculous!
Also, a lot of my time is spent thinking that my pregnancy symptoms are vanishing. I do hear that it's normal for them to come and go. I'll have been nauseous ALL day the day before. And then the next day, at 5AM I'm laying in bed freaking out because I'm not nauseous yet, only to feel horrible for the rest of the day. How do people make it from one doctors appointment to the next without freaking out? I promised myself I wouldn't be THAT person. But the fear of the unknown still looms over my head like a dark cloud. Knowing that everything could end in a second makes my heart skip a beat. Oh boy, what I would give to be naive again.
I used to think my paranoia would cease once I hit twelve weeks, but now I'm not so sure that it will. Heck, I don't think it will EVER go away, even after the baby is born I'll still worry that the baby is still breathing, eating enough, happy enough, warm enough, etc. So I guess I should just get used to it. I know I should take it one day at a time. But it's difficult.
On the upside, I'm not religiously checking for spotting anymore. I'm proud of myself for doing that. Also, I haven't had even a speck of blood since my ultrasound. So that gives me some peace of mind. But now I need another ultrasound so I can see my baby with it's heart still beating, and know that things are okay. I really need them to be okay. In my heart I feel as though this is really it, we will really get our baby this time. But my mind is so much wiser. My mind knows that anything can happen...
2 comments:
Thank you again for the support, I really appreciate your comments and honesty. But for you, I'm sure it's going to be hard, but stop thinking negative! I got this quote from another blogger who has had multiple miscarriages, and is also pregnant right now, she is also trying not to be pregnoid, as you would call it : )
"Stop thinking about what could go wrong and start thinking about what could go right."
Anyways, if you haven't checked her out, she is very funny! Hugs to you!
www.bustedplumbing.com
Honestly, I don't think that the paranoia ever goes away, at least not with a first baby. I have never suffered a miscarriage, but have medical issues that could very well have cause one. The whole time I was pregnant with my daughter, i was worried, worried, worried. First, it was hoping that the pregnancy would "stick". Then it was worrying about pre-term labor. Once she was born, it was worrying about SIDS. Now that she's on the verge of crawling, it's worrying about her hitting her head, or pulling something down on her, or climbing out of the crib, etc, etc.
There's nothing wrong with worrying, because it's natural to do so. Just try not to let the worry consume you, and stress you out. The commenter ahead of me offered a really great quote.
I wish you the very best for your growing family, and Im excited to watch your journey!
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