Today

Today, I'm going to do my best to enjoy every minute.  I woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning, irritated and on the verge of tears for really no reason at all.

The aches and pains of this pregnancy are starting to get to me, but I have to look on the flip side and see that I am so fortunate to have this tiny person in my belly.  Even though my sciatic nerve is sending shooting pains down my legs, my esophagus is burning, my fingers and toes and nearly everything else is swollen, the skin on my stomach feels as though it will split, my nose is wider than it has ever been, my pelvis is pleading with me to stop moving and I feel as big as a house.  All of those things are temporary.  And they are worth it.

I remember after Yorlee was born, I looked back at my pregnancy and wished that I had been more calm, more patient, more understanding of my limitations.  Instead I was riled up, irritated, and pushing myself to do more, clean one more room of the house, do one more load of laundry, cook one more meal.  Why did I do that to myself?  And why do I continue to do it when I know better?   No more of that.  I'm going to try to soak up the last few moments of this pregnancy.  Today, I'm going to rub my belly more than I ever have.  I'm going to note and appreciate every single movement.  From hiccups, to karate kicks.

Last night, when my toddler was running around the house, Hulk Smashing the piles of laundry that I had neatly folded, throwing the tables and chairs from her dollhouse, and spilling juice all over the carpet.  I thought I was going to lose my mind.  I was sick of hearing my own voice over and over again, telling her to sit down, stop it, don't jump on that, don't eat that, don't touch that, don't do that.  Finally, I realized that she just wanted some attention.  I reached out to her while she was flinging herself from one side of the living room to the other and she jumped back because she thought she was going to get in trouble.  Instead, I gave her a hug, and she tightly hugged me back.  I told her that I was done with the laundry, and we were going to cuddle.  She was so excited!  I gave her a sippy of warm milk, and we both got into her tiny toddler bed.  She was so happy I was there.  That made my day.  That made me realize that no matter how much the laundry needs folding, or the dishes need washing, our little ones need us too.  My daughter's days of being an only child are coming to an end.

So today, when I get home from work, instead of rushing off to clean things up, I'm going to scoop up my little one for some cuddles, rub my belly, and put my feet up.