::SIGH::

I'm finding it REALLY hard to be optimistic. In the midst of deciding whether or not we're going to try this month, I can't help but wonder if my previous pregnancy was a fluke. What if it's not that easy for us to conceive again? Even though all of my bloodwork came back normal, my final ultrasound came back normal, I still can't shake the feeling that we're not only going to have to try to conceive, but that we're going to have to try REALLY hard. On top of that, my husband isn't to fond of OPKs. To him, they take the romance out of everything. It's more like we have a schedule. I understand how he feels, so I don't talk to him about them.

I haven't even opened the box yet, and I'm not sure if I will this month. I want to be able to be confident in my next pregnancy, and right now, I won't be able to. I know that if I get a BFP this month, I'll be worried sick during the entire time, and I'm not so sure that's healthy. I've heard that it's completely normal, but I want the kind of normal that allows me to get a BFP, and then EXPECT a baby nine months later. And I'm just not at that point. I'm working on getting there.

If this time of year wasn't so hard for me, I'd probably be able to scrounge some optimism from somewhere. So, for right now, I've officially decided that February is out, C'MON MARCH!!!!!!!!!