Ramblings, thoughts, emotions, and beliefs....

Okay folks, there comes a point where one simply cannot keep ones thoughts in ones head.  (If you haven't yet figured it out, the one I'm referring to is ME.)  I've been sitting on this post for WEEKS, and just now gathered the courage to click PUBLISH.

I've read blogs where the authors ranted about things that were bothering them, and more often than not, left comments applauding them on their bravery.  Encouraging them to continue to say what they believe, mean what they say, and overlook anyone who said otherwise.  Well, my friends, now it is my turn.  Please note that it is not my intention to offend anyone, I just have to express myself.

The statement below is what I am referring to in this post:
"It was all in God's plan."

That statement hurts my heart.  Especially when it is used to reference some type of sickness, or loss, or devastation.

Before I started reading blogs, I must have been ignorant to the fact that people truly believed that God was the driving force behind them losing a child, or a relative, or being terminally ill, or infertile.  I've touched on this briefly in a previous post, but that just wasn't enough to allow me to feel satiated.

I just can't grasp how God can have qualities such as mercy, compassion, justice, grace, loving-kindness, etc., yet cause His children pain.  When I look at Yorlee, I want to do what is best for her, in every way that I can.  I will give her the best that I can, but ultimately the decision is hers when it comes to how she will live her life.  I believe that what we, as human beings, are currently experiencing is pain and suffering.  Why that choice of words?  Because suffering does not discriminate.  In circumstances where a woman who is addicted to illegal substances gets pregnant, and a woman who has been married for 5 years, goes to work every day, has a stable home, and means to provide is greeted with infertility, I chose not to believe that God chose those paths for them.  I do not believe that it was His plan.  I believe that both of those women are imperfect, and that is what caused their situations.

God created the human race to fulfill the earth and subdue it.  Humans were perfect when they were created, however Adam and Eve chose to disobey, and we are faced with the consequences.  I can't really comprehend why God would create the earth, and humans, to live in a paradise, and then snatch it away.  I wouldn't take Yorlee to Chuck E. Cheese's, let her see all of the flashing lights, hear the whooping of bells and the laughter of children, smell the freshly baked pizza, see all of the brightly colored prizes; and then right as she attempts to run and play, snatch her back and lead her back out the door while telling her it was Mommy's plan to see the sad look on her face as she walks away empty handed.

Do you get where I'm coming from?

I recently came across a blog where I read, "God gave me infertility", and it honestly broke my heart.  I felt so deeply for the person that wrote that.

My mother passed when I was 12 years old.  I can't imagine where I would be in life if I believed that God took her away from me purposefully.  Honestly, how mean would that be?  My mother passing away was simply because she was ill, in many different ways.  She was human.

To those of you who believe that the negative things that happen in our lives was due to God's plan, what caused you to believe that way?

The bible counts of times where Jesus healed the sick and raised the dead.  So in those instances, what was God's plan?  To cause them to be sick and die, only to have them healed and resurrected?  When babies are stillborn, what was His plan?  To have the parents anxiously and happily anticipate their new arrival, only to be devastated?  To watch as their friends and family members try to console them, unsuccessfully?

When a young child loses both parents in a tragic car crash, what was God's plan?  To punish the child?  To make the child appreciate the parents more?

I apologize for the nature of this post, but it was consuming me.  I had to express my thoughts and feelings.

If you are a parent, are your plans for your child(ren) not in the most loving of nature?  I wake up every day wanting the best for my daughter.  If she hurts, I hurt.  If she is sick, I care for her.  If she is sad, I comfort her.  That is what parents do.  Their "plan" is for their children to be happy and successful.  So to those who are "Children of God", why would it be any different?

I have so many other thoughts and opinions, but I think I've gotten enough off of my chest for now...

Nursing and weaning

I'm so proud of making it to my 6 month goal of nursing Yorlee!!  When we started that first day at the hospital, I knew that I wanted to nurse her for as long as I could.  Sure, we had to supplement with formula once I started back at work, but she still receives my milk everyday.

When her dairy allergy made its presence known, I thought it would be the end of us nursing.  It was so (and still is) so hard for me to monitor my dairy intake.  But I know that she can possibly outgrow the allergy if she is able to stay away from it for awhile.

Lately, she's been more comfort nursing, instead of nursing for nourishment.  She roots like crazy in her sleep looking for me, to the point that I sometimes pick her up, nurse her until she calms down, and put her back down.

I'm thinking that it may be time to wean her.  For numerous reasons. 

1. Because I want to keep her completely dairy free, and it's hard for me to avoid hidden dairy in the food I consume.

2. She is no longer nursing for nourishment.

3. My cycle returned because I'm nursing her part time, and I really want to get on a stable method of birth control.

4.  I'm feeling like it's time for us.  I know that it's recommended to nurse until the age of two.  And honestly, I wouldn't mind that.  But commuting back and forth to work and, on top of working full time, and trying to be a good wife leaves me quite winded at the end of the day.  If I were staying at home, it would be possible.  But my milk supply has already diminished, and I really don't have a huge desire to rebuild it.

She's doing so great though!  Pulling up on everything, really trying to crawl, standing, saying "Da-da", eating Gerber puffs, etc.  I'm so proud of my little munchkin.

I'll have to do her 6 month update soon.  I can't believe she's already half a year old.  Time is flying, makes me so sad!

Checking Mommy's Facebook page

Yorlee has recently gained enough strength in her legs to stand on her own.  Here's how she decided to do it today, right in front of the computer checking out my Facebook page.

Adventures in Sleep Training, Part Oh, Whatever!!!

As you can probably tell from the title, sleep training is a little bit frustrating.... (Understatement of the year.)

Yorlee was doing SO well, I'm not sure when things went sour.  For the past few days, she's been absolutely refusing to sleep in her crib.  My neck hurts, my back hurts, and my head hurts.  She's also getting harder to put down for the night.  She does the old "fake out", where you think she's sleep, but then BAM! eyes pop open and it's playtime again.

Yesterday I decided to really buckle down and try to get things under control.  When I got home from work, we went and ran errands as a family.  I gave Yorlee a bottle in the car, and noticed she was rubbing her eyes, her cue for being sleepy.  We had a few more stops to make, and I could tell she was started to crank it up.  I popped her pacifier in her mouth and her eyes immediately dropped, but of course she sprang them right back open.

Once we made it home, I put her in her Bebo chair and tried to get some dinner in her.  I think she ate like 4 bites before refusing any more.  My husband put her on the floor in the living room and played with her (it was around 6PM) until she started fussing.  I knew she was about to get overtired, so I decided to give her a quick bath, rub down with lotion, and nurse her.  As soon as she latched on, she was out!  I held her for a few minutes to make sure she was sleep and then I transferred her to her crib.  She slept for around an hour before she work up SCREAMING!!

My husband went in and tried to console her.  She wasn't having it.  I could hear her screams getting louder as he came into our room and said, "Can you please take her, I can't get her to stop screaming."  She didn't want to nurse, didn't want to play, didn't want to do anything.  That's when I knew what I had to do.  I had to take her back to her room and put her in her crib.  She was going to fuss regardless.  I put her down, turned on her bear that plays music, gave her a blanket, and popped her paci in her mouth.  As soon as I left the room she started crying.  My husband went in and rubbed her belly.  She was calm for a few minutes and then the screaming started again.  I went in and she quieted down.  I didn't say anything to her, I just let her know that I was there by rubbing her head and her belly.  I stayed in there for about 10 minutes and I could see her eyes slowly closing.  When I would try to sneak out, she'd wake up again.  Finally, I determined that I should put her on her side (the way she sleeps when she's in bed with me) and let her cuddle her bear.  As soon as I did that, she was out!!  She slept for about four hours before waking.

Here's where I messed up....

Instead of nursing her or giving her a bottle and putting her back in her crib, I brought her to our bed.

I'm going to work on that part.  What do you think?  Any suggestions? 

Rockin' the Bump!

I hardly ever link up (not sure why), but I couldn't pass this one up.


A chance to show off all those beautiful baby bumps!

For some reason I couldn't grab the button, but head on over HERE for more details.

39 Weeks Pregnant

The picture above was taken four days before Yorlee was born.

Being pregnant was one of the best times of my life.  I'm so grateful that I was able to experience it, and completely adore my daughter.  I particularly miss feeling her hiccup.  She would get them at the exact moment that I'd start to slightly freak out, needing confirmation that she was still okay in there.  Almost as if she knew.

Yorlee is 6 months old!

(I go by weeks, she is 24 weeks old.  Some people would say she isn't 6 months until the 25th of this month.  Her pediatrician uses my method.)
She's such a big girl now!!  I just adore her!



She loves her sunglasses!!

She hasn't had her 6 month check up yet, she goes on Friday.  I'll be sure to post her updates!
I hope everyone is doing well.  Have a great Monday!

Regression

Yorlee flat out refused to sleep in her crib last night.  After trying twice, and her waking up screaming for me, I brought her to our bed for the night.

She slept like a log.

In her defense, she is sporting two little pieces of rice under her gums.  And has been nomming on her fingers incessantly.  My poor princess is really teething.  She chomps on whatever she can get in her grasp.  Usually it's my shoulder, and her fingers.  I put her teething ring in the freezer and let her go to town on it.  I've also been allowing her to gum on some popsicles, she loves them!  I'm not sure how long it'll take them to come through, but she sure is in pain.

My poor muffin!

I'm hoping that we don't have to re acclimate her to her crib when this is all said and done.  It was a huge feat for us to tackle, and I'm not sure if I'm up for a rerun.

She's been really clingy and cuddly lately, and prefers to eat solids rather than nurse or take a bottle.  I just know her gums are bothering her.  I'm going to continue with the cold items on her gums, and see if that works.  I keep slathering her face with Aquaphor because the drool is giving her a little rash on her chin.

Divatude

Check out Yorlee's new shades.  She loves them and gets frustrated when I take them off.

 (They don't always weigh her nose down like that, she was pulling at them...)

Yorlee's earrings

Blogger is only letting me upload one picture, so here it is!  Oh, and see the little blotches on my poor little pumpkin's face?  It's from her dairy allergy.  It looks WAY better now.  Still makes me sad though.

Opinions...

If I had to pick only one thing to put on my "List of things that get on my nerves", it would have to be judgemental people.  I can't stand it.  And it seems like now that I'm a parent, people go out of their way to make their opinions known.

Case in point:

My husband and I mutually decided after MONTHS of pondering, to get Yorlee's ears pierced.  I spoke with other parents about getting their daughters ears pierced, talked to her pediatrician, and of course Googled the heck out of it.  We also talked to our family about it.  Finally, on Friday, we determined that it was time.  I texted one of my friends that has a daughter who is two days older than Yorlee when we were on our way to get it done, and she told me to beware because people would give us dirty looks.  I didn't quite believe her.  Not because she isn't trust worthy, but I honestly didn't think that people would make a fuss over earrings, that are in their child's ears.

We decided to go to Claire's (because my husband's cousin, who is a DOCTOR, recommended it, and she had her daughter's ears pierced there), and a few of my other friends went there.  We went in, picked out the kit we wanted, and I took a seat with Yorlee on our lap.  Oh.my.goodness!!  The comments started as soon as my behind hit the seat.  One lady in particular came up and said, "You aren't getting her ears pierced are you?"  To which I responded, "Yes, we are."  She then said, "How sad!
She wasn't the only person.  A few other people made comments about how "sad" it was, and some even stopped and tried to watch with disdain written all over their faces.  Thankfully the Assistant Manager of the store was there to wave them on.

For some reason, my mother decided to wait to get our (my sisters, and I) ears pierced, and I got them for the first time when I was probably about 6 or so.  I can't remember the exact age, but what I CAN remember is how scared I was because I knew it was going to hurt, and how much it DID hurt, because I was thinking about it so much.  Also, I ended up having to get them pierced THREE times because I kept messing with them and pulling them out.  I knew that whenever I had children, if I had a daughter, I'd get hers done early so she wouldn't have to go through what I went through.

And I'm glad I did.

Yorlee did way better than I was expecting.  She didn't cry very much, and she was all smiles afterwards.  She lets me disinfect her ears with no problems, and looks like such a cutie pie!

For some reason Blogger isn't correctly uploading my pictures, so I'll try to post one when I get home.

(If anyone has any negative comments in regards to me choosing to get MY child's ears pierced, please keep them to yourself.  Really and truly, I don't care to know.)