I'm back!!

After taking a hiatus from blogging, I'm back and better than ever.  I think the reason for my break is that I was feeling overwhelmed.  Work, parenting, and trying to at least attempt to maintain a social life was really draining.

Yorlee is doing great, she is so mobile and active!  Crawling, pulling up, cruising along furniture, dancing.  Where did my little girl go?  I love her at this stage, but I do feel the slight tug at my heartstrings when I think about her as an infant.  People always ask my husband and I if we want another one, and the answer is YES!  But the timing just isn't right.  I don't really believe that there is ever a "perfect" time to have a child, but it really just is not feasible for us right now.  Our house is too small, daycare is so expensive, I'm already stretched to the max, etc.  Hopefully in a year or so we will be able to add one more to our happy family.

I've been catching up on everyone and I see lots of pregnancy announcements.  Congrats!!

I'm at work so I don't have any pictures, I'll be sure to add some soon.

Oh, and to those that I was friends with on Facebook, I closed my account.  Someone hacked me and was posting crazy things and sending messages to people.

Happy Monday everyone!!

There is a time and a place for everything.

It all started off innocently enough.  I was wanting to become pregnant, and drawn in to blogs speaking about motherhood, babies, child rearing, and filled with other women who had the same dreams that I had.

Eventually, I created an account to keep track and return to some of my favorite blogs, or to see if someone received a BFP after their two week wait was completed.  Soon after, I created my own blog, so that I could document my own journey, in hopes of one day sharing it with my child.

What happened was that I did end up getting pregnant and having a child.  I was able to post my weekly pregnancy updates, belly pics, birth story, and adorable (if I do say so) baby.  Another thing that happened was that I was suddenly a part of a group of mothers, which was great!  I could ask questions, read stories that were similar to my own, compare milestones, get advice, etc.  Along with all of that came cute accessories from Etsy, DIY home improvement projects, fashion, the "Great Diaper Bag Debate of 2010", wants that weren't NEEDS, and a platform for people to showcase their various possessions enticing you to get on there level.

I became lost among this.  And why not?  It's shiny, pretty, and new.  Who wouldn't want to see the new do-dad that so-and-so bought their handsome son?  Or the cute little leggings that such-and-such purchased for their darling daughter?  In this whirlwind of material things, I started to forget what was really important.  TIME.  The amount of time that I spend with my daughter, molding her, instructing her, teaching her is absolutely more important than logging things into the computer.  I started to get more excited over blogging about her accomplishments/milestones, than I did when she actually did them.  Sounds terrible huh?  It is.

Needless to say, I am going on a break from blogging.  I may stop by with a picture, or to recant a funny story.  But all of my time and energy will not be spent at http://this-and-that/.  Same goes for Facebook.

I am going to read more to Yorlee, spend more time talking to her and teaching her about God's word, and showing her that in all things we do, there is a time and a place for everything.

I wish you all the best in your endeavors.

Growing out my hair

After Yorlee was born, I experienced EXTREME hair shedding and some damage.  My first thought was to run to a hair salon and get it assessed and relaxed.  After browsing some natural hair websites and picking up a few ingredients from Whole Foods, I decided to try to mend my hair on my own.  I must say, it's going extremely well.

I still have very thin edges, but I know that in time they will grow back.  The shedding has come to an end, so now I'm trying to retain the growth and protect my hair from the elements.  I've been wearing protective styles, and limiting combing/brushing/heat, and it seems to be going well.  My goal length would be close to waist length.  I'm currently at arm pit length.  The hardest part has been trying to find a regimen that fits my hair type/curl pattern.  My curls shrink tremendously when wet, and I tend to lose patience early on during the detangling/styling process. It is important for me to come to really know how to care for my hair, as I also need to care for Yorlee's hair.

This is where I'm at now:

(My hair was straightened in this picture)

The return of the dairy cow

I've mentioned before that Yorlee has weaned off of nursing.  I miss it.  Maybe that is why I've been producing more milk than a dairy cow lately.  When I was going through the weaning process, I was engorged for one day and sore for a little while.  I only leaked a little bit, and it seemed like things were going back to normal.
This is that third week that I haven't nursed Yorlee, and recently, I've had to wear nursing pads again because of the amount of milk that I have.  When I take my bra off, milk starts dripping.  In the shower, drip-drip.  When I least expect it, drip-drip.  I don't get it.  Am I re-lactating?  Can my supply really increase like this?  Is it normal?  The increase of milk has made me extremely sore.  I can barely sleep because of the pain.  I don't have a fever or chills, so I'm hopeful that I don't have an infection.  If it persists, I'll be sure to see my primary care physician.

Yorlee has noticed also, maybe because she can smell the milk, but she almost gets herself into a frenzy going for my breasts.  I can be cradling her giving her a bottle and all of a sudden she'll push the bottle out of her mouth and turn towards me trying to nurse.  She had been fine for a week, but now she really wants to nurse.

Has anyone ever experienced this before?

Sleep training, continued...

Yorlee did much better at bedtime last night.  I was asleep when my husband put her in her crib, and woke up to her crying.  He was in the restroom, so I went into her room to pick her up, since I didn't know why she was crying.  I assumed that she was hungry, so I went to make her a bottle.  By that time my husband came out of the restroom and said that he had just fed her, and that she was tired and to put her back in her crib.

I put her in, popped her paci in her mouth, and rubbed her belly.  She whined for a bit, once she calmed, I backed away, slowly inching out of the room.  As soon as I hit the door she started crying again.  By the time I crossed the living room to make it to my bedroom, she was quiet.  I waited.  A few minutes later I heard a small cry, and then it was quiet again.  She fell asleep in less than five minutes.  So much progress!

I'm happy to say that she slept all through the night again, and doesn't use her pacifier.  She sucked on it when I gave it to her, but once she started crying she spit it out and didn't think twice about it. 

Yay for progress!!

One thing I've noticed is that she flips over and sleeps on her belly.  I'm fine with that, but she practices crawling in the middle of the night, and somehow manuevers herself into the corner of her crib, and that causes her Angelcare Monitor to go off.  It woke me up in the at around 3:00AM so I rushed in to check on her and she was fine.  I ended up turning it off.  Never in my wildest dreams did I think I'd be brave enough to do that.  But I did, and she's fine.  Thanks goodness!!

You live and you learn!

Ladies and well... ladies!

I have officially created a monster.  LOL!  Yorlee has figured out that I will give her what she wants, and she sure does know how to get it.

She can be in the living room with my husband happily playing, and then the moment she sees me, she starts crying.  So I go to her, and she looks at me and laughs.  I smile at her and keep walking and she has a fit!  Seriously, a huge temper tantrum.  So of course that makes me feel guilty, and I come back to her and pick her up.  Immediately she is okay and wants to play some more.

Now, that would be really cute if it didn't happen ALL DAY, EVERY DAY!

She holds her bottle like a champ, so we put her in her swing and let her eat.  If my husband is around, she's fine.  She'll drain her bottle and hold it the entire time.  As soon as I step into the room, she drops her bottle and cries for it.  I pick it up and try to make her hold it and she refuses, crying the whole time.  I end up holding it for her and she's a happy camper again.  My husband noticed this trend, so one time he picked the bottle up an handed it to her and she held it without making a peep.  What the heck?!?

The same goes for so many other scenarios.  If I change her onesie she cries when I pull it over her head, even though I do it super gently and make sure that it doesn't snag on her earrings.  If Hubby does it (his method is a little rougher), she babbles and coos and smiles.  Hubby can say "Peek-a-boo!" really loudly, and she laughs.  I say it and she cries and wants me to hold her.

I understand that I'm her source of comfort for the most part.  I spent all day Sunday with her cuddling and reading books, playing, etc.  I thought maybe she was having a reaction to not being breastfeed anymore, so I tried to nurse her last night, but all she would do is bite me.  My husband brought to my attention that she's always acted like that, it's just worse now.

Has anyone gone through this?  Is it the separation anxiety kicking in?  I mean, she's never really let anyone hold her, but she doesn't cry when she goes to daycare.  In fact, she seems happy to be there.  Don't get me wrong, she's happy at home, but it's like the minute she sees me, she is whining for me to pick her up.
Last night she wouldn't go to sleep.  I had her next to me and she just kept kicking and punching me.  I gave her her paci, I gave her a bottle, I gave her more applesauce just in case she was hungry, gave her a teether, put ice in her mesh feeder for her to chomp on, let her suck on my finger.  I rocked her, bounced her, sang to her, read to her, turned the TV up, turned the TV off, NOTHING WORKED.  Just when I thought I was about to lose my marbles, I put her in her crib.  She screamed.  I was just too exhausted.  Finally, she went to sleep.  I went to check on her because I was feeling guilty, and I swear she sensed me come into the room.  She cried for me to pick her up, but I just rubbed her belly and talked to her softly.  She kept her eyes on me until they were too heavy to remain open, and after about 10 minutes, she went back to sleep.  Happy to say, she slept the whole night, and was back to her usual self this morning.

She's also been hitting me lately.  What is she trying to tell me?  Is she trying to figure out her boundaries? We've noticed that the more I give in, the more she acts out.  If I ignore her cries for a little while, she stops crying and is content again.  But it is SO HARD for me to ignore her.  When she's crying, it literally feels like all the air is being sucked out of my lungs.

The Adventures of Yorlee Belle

Yorlee is so fun!  It amazes me how much she changes every day.  Her personality is shining through!

Lately, she has been having a ball using my husband and I as her personal jungle gym.  She climbs all over us, stepping on our faces, her little elbows flying everywhere.  She wants to crawl so desperately, but still hasn't quite got the coordination to do so.

She pulls up on us, can go from sitting to the crawling position.  Rolls, bounces, etc.

It is only a matter of time before she is walking.

I'll add her stats soon, she has her 6 month appointment on Thursday.

Weaning has been going well so far.  I can tell she is still interested, but she doesn't fuss about it.  Honestly, she's taking it better than I am.  I've been pretty sore while waiting to dry up, and I really miss the bonding that nursing gave.  But, I've noticed a positive change in Yorlee, she doesn't seem a clingy, and my husband is able to soothe her much easier now.  Her face completely cleared up, and her diaper rash is gone as well.  Now we are just left with a little bit of eczema, which I treat twice a day.

It broke my heart to see her skin with rashes over it.  The products that contain hidden dairy are so numerous.  In this instance, I'm so grateful to have formula.  It has really helped keep my daughter healthy.  I'm also proud of myself for doing the best I could.  Hopefully she outgrows her dairy allergy, but if not, we will mange.

Ramblings, thoughts, emotions, and beliefs....

Okay folks, there comes a point where one simply cannot keep ones thoughts in ones head.  (If you haven't yet figured it out, the one I'm referring to is ME.)  I've been sitting on this post for WEEKS, and just now gathered the courage to click PUBLISH.

I've read blogs where the authors ranted about things that were bothering them, and more often than not, left comments applauding them on their bravery.  Encouraging them to continue to say what they believe, mean what they say, and overlook anyone who said otherwise.  Well, my friends, now it is my turn.  Please note that it is not my intention to offend anyone, I just have to express myself.

The statement below is what I am referring to in this post:
"It was all in God's plan."

That statement hurts my heart.  Especially when it is used to reference some type of sickness, or loss, or devastation.

Before I started reading blogs, I must have been ignorant to the fact that people truly believed that God was the driving force behind them losing a child, or a relative, or being terminally ill, or infertile.  I've touched on this briefly in a previous post, but that just wasn't enough to allow me to feel satiated.

I just can't grasp how God can have qualities such as mercy, compassion, justice, grace, loving-kindness, etc., yet cause His children pain.  When I look at Yorlee, I want to do what is best for her, in every way that I can.  I will give her the best that I can, but ultimately the decision is hers when it comes to how she will live her life.  I believe that what we, as human beings, are currently experiencing is pain and suffering.  Why that choice of words?  Because suffering does not discriminate.  In circumstances where a woman who is addicted to illegal substances gets pregnant, and a woman who has been married for 5 years, goes to work every day, has a stable home, and means to provide is greeted with infertility, I chose not to believe that God chose those paths for them.  I do not believe that it was His plan.  I believe that both of those women are imperfect, and that is what caused their situations.

God created the human race to fulfill the earth and subdue it.  Humans were perfect when they were created, however Adam and Eve chose to disobey, and we are faced with the consequences.  I can't really comprehend why God would create the earth, and humans, to live in a paradise, and then snatch it away.  I wouldn't take Yorlee to Chuck E. Cheese's, let her see all of the flashing lights, hear the whooping of bells and the laughter of children, smell the freshly baked pizza, see all of the brightly colored prizes; and then right as she attempts to run and play, snatch her back and lead her back out the door while telling her it was Mommy's plan to see the sad look on her face as she walks away empty handed.

Do you get where I'm coming from?

I recently came across a blog where I read, "God gave me infertility", and it honestly broke my heart.  I felt so deeply for the person that wrote that.

My mother passed when I was 12 years old.  I can't imagine where I would be in life if I believed that God took her away from me purposefully.  Honestly, how mean would that be?  My mother passing away was simply because she was ill, in many different ways.  She was human.

To those of you who believe that the negative things that happen in our lives was due to God's plan, what caused you to believe that way?

The bible counts of times where Jesus healed the sick and raised the dead.  So in those instances, what was God's plan?  To cause them to be sick and die, only to have them healed and resurrected?  When babies are stillborn, what was His plan?  To have the parents anxiously and happily anticipate their new arrival, only to be devastated?  To watch as their friends and family members try to console them, unsuccessfully?

When a young child loses both parents in a tragic car crash, what was God's plan?  To punish the child?  To make the child appreciate the parents more?

I apologize for the nature of this post, but it was consuming me.  I had to express my thoughts and feelings.

If you are a parent, are your plans for your child(ren) not in the most loving of nature?  I wake up every day wanting the best for my daughter.  If she hurts, I hurt.  If she is sick, I care for her.  If she is sad, I comfort her.  That is what parents do.  Their "plan" is for their children to be happy and successful.  So to those who are "Children of God", why would it be any different?

I have so many other thoughts and opinions, but I think I've gotten enough off of my chest for now...

Nursing and weaning

I'm so proud of making it to my 6 month goal of nursing Yorlee!!  When we started that first day at the hospital, I knew that I wanted to nurse her for as long as I could.  Sure, we had to supplement with formula once I started back at work, but she still receives my milk everyday.

When her dairy allergy made its presence known, I thought it would be the end of us nursing.  It was so (and still is) so hard for me to monitor my dairy intake.  But I know that she can possibly outgrow the allergy if she is able to stay away from it for awhile.

Lately, she's been more comfort nursing, instead of nursing for nourishment.  She roots like crazy in her sleep looking for me, to the point that I sometimes pick her up, nurse her until she calms down, and put her back down.

I'm thinking that it may be time to wean her.  For numerous reasons. 

1. Because I want to keep her completely dairy free, and it's hard for me to avoid hidden dairy in the food I consume.

2. She is no longer nursing for nourishment.

3. My cycle returned because I'm nursing her part time, and I really want to get on a stable method of birth control.

4.  I'm feeling like it's time for us.  I know that it's recommended to nurse until the age of two.  And honestly, I wouldn't mind that.  But commuting back and forth to work and, on top of working full time, and trying to be a good wife leaves me quite winded at the end of the day.  If I were staying at home, it would be possible.  But my milk supply has already diminished, and I really don't have a huge desire to rebuild it.

She's doing so great though!  Pulling up on everything, really trying to crawl, standing, saying "Da-da", eating Gerber puffs, etc.  I'm so proud of my little munchkin.

I'll have to do her 6 month update soon.  I can't believe she's already half a year old.  Time is flying, makes me so sad!

Checking Mommy's Facebook page

Yorlee has recently gained enough strength in her legs to stand on her own.  Here's how she decided to do it today, right in front of the computer checking out my Facebook page.