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Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Breastfeeding and Mommy guilt

Lately, breastfeeding has been stressing me out.  Well, not breastfeeding, pumping has been stressing me out.  I haven't been pumping nearly as much at work for Yorlee, but I've been able to slide by without needing to supplement with formula.  Unfortunately, I wasn't able to do so this morning.  For the first time EVER, I had to send along two bottles of formula in addition to the two bottles of milk I had pumped.

I know that stress can cause a drop in breast milk production, however, I tend to stress when I don't produce enough.  It's a vicious cycle.

The guilt that I feel amazes me.  I know that plenty of babies are formula fed and they turn out great, however, my personal goal was to exclusively breastfeed until Yorlee was 6 months old.  Sending those two bottles of formula today felt like a dagger in my heart.  I know she'll be okay, I know I'll be okay, it's just really hard right now.

I've been doing everything that I can to help my milk production.  Yesterday I drank six cups of Mother's Milk tea, ate three cups of Life cereal, three bowls of oatmeal, drank 50 ounces of water, and consumed an additional 1500 calories.  I pumped seven ounces total.  Only three of those were pumped while I was at work.  I even woke up at 3AM to pump again, and was able to get 5 ounces total so I was able to send two six ounce bottles of breastmilk.

What could be causing my drop in supply?  I've been WAY more stressed in the past than I am now, and was still able to pump 20 ounces a day.  So I don't think it's entirely due to that.  I nurse Yorlee on demand when I pick her up from daycare as well as the weekends.  I just don't get it.

I hope that she only drinks two of the bottles today so that she doesn't need the formula.

2 comments:

Amy said...

This is my second week back at work and I am really disappointed in my pumping performance too. I look forward to reading the other comments, because I need help! My twins are 9 weeks old and are currently eating three 3 oz bottles a day each. Do you remember how old Yorlee was when she started eating two 6 ouncers? I am struggling to get 18 ounces a day for the 2 of them - I am just trying to get a feel for when they're going to want even more!

Lalla said...

I do know how you feel. At first, I too felt guilty about giving Ariana formula. But I've NEVER been able to pump 20 oz a day. I haven't been nearly as conscientious about what I consume as you, but I've tried the music, relaxing, staring at her pictures, and increasing my water intake. Still, the best I have ever done is 12 oz.

About a month ago, I had decided to increase to pumping 3 times a day. The end result is that I was in severe pain and thought I had another infection. Turns out I didn't. Official doctor's diagnosis: the "girls" are tired.

Now that Ariana is sleeping a little better at night. I find that I'm pumping more milk. This is logical since my greedy daughter is consuming less milk via nursing.

I never produce the same amount each day. But I've found that for my own sanity, I just have to let worrying about that go. And no matter how much breast milk vs. formula Ariana gets, she still loves her mommy. Yorlee will still ADORE you too!