My sick little muffin..

Here is a pic of Yorlee when we were at her pediatrician's office.  Even though she was sick, she kept flashing the cutest little smiles.  I had to take a picture of her in her little gown.

How long can you hold your breath?

I held my breath for forty weeks, I would have held it longer if necessary, but someone came along and stole my breath away.

It started when my husband and I were trying to expand our family.  Every month, we would time and wait, and I would hold my breath.  And then, that beautiful month in April, I was able to make two lines appear on that magical stick, and I held my breath.

The time came to confirm what the stick was trying to tell me, and I held my breath until the appointment.  One hurdle down, the next was an ultrasound.  I was expecting to hold my breath for nearly a week, only to see some spotting and be told that my numbers didn't double, so come in quick!  An ultrasound was scheduled for 8PM.  I searched the technician's face, never even attempting to take a breath.  "Do you see a sac?  A heartbeat?  Something, anything?!?"

Waiting, and waiting, and waiting.  Finally, a faint flicker on the screen.  "Can my husband come see?  He's never been in one of these rooms before?"  Holding my breath for the answer I would like, only to be shot down.  That's okay.  I have hope that he will see this faint flicker one day.  I proudly held my breath after that day.  Happy that for once, things were going okay.  But don't breathe yet, having been down that road before I knew how quickly things could change...

I refused to take in even a tiny bit of air for twelve whole weeks to be sure that I was out of the woods.  Until I realized that safety was still just out of reach.  I needed to keep hoping/wishing/praying that things would be okay, she needed to stay in at least until 24 weeks.  She.  It's a girl!!  She needs to reach viability.

Everyday felt like three.  I swore I was going to have a nervous breakdown at 22 weeks.  Thinking that something could happen, and I would have been just two measly weeks away from viability.  The thought broke my heart.  I never knew that 14 days could mean so much to me.
Fast forward to 34 weeks.  Preterm labor haunted me like a bad dream.  I remember my midwife talking to me, her voice sounding like an echo in the distance, "Bed rest, preterm labor, softening cervix."  Braxton Hicks contractions every five minutes reminded me that I had made it so far, yet still needed more time.  By that time, I was a pro at holding my breath.  Anxiously waiting for the next road block, or obstacle to come my way. 

FINALLY, 37 weeks!!  Full term!  I couldn't stop dreaming about meeting my baby girl, seeing her face for the first time, holding her, kissing those little lips.  The fact that I could love someone so much was amazing.  I knew that I was ready.  Boy oh boy was I ready....

To GET HER OUT!  I'm 39 weeks, I can't wait to meet her!  Why isn't she here already?  Holding my breath for the day when I would look over at my husband to declare that "It's TIME!".  Ahh!  The suspense!  My heavy midsection was ready, hips aching, back burning, but I couldn't wipe the smile off of my face.  It wouldn't long now.  My dream was about to come true.

40 weeks on the nose, water breaks.  This is it!  This is what I have been waiting for, holding my breath for.  Then, I feel it, the first contraction.  Wow, it's worse than I could have ever expected.  Holding my breath until the I was able to get an epidural.  Not even thinking about breathing while my back was cleaned with that cold, wet, abrasive sponge.  Ahh, relief.  What?  No, the pain is back, and worse than ever!  Gah!!  In my head I'm chanting, "Don't breathe, don't breathe!"  While my husband and midwife are yelling at me to "BREATHE, BREATHE!!  One more push, you can do it!".  I did it...  I did it...  Look at her, she's beautiful.  Counting the fingers and toes, they're all there!  She's perfect!

Inhale, exhale.  Whew!  We made it.  It was a wild ride, but so worth it.  Finally, our hospital stay is over.  'Wait, we just go home?  With this tiny, fragile human?' 

Oh dear....  Breathe in, hold it.....

Now nearly ten months later, I still have to be reminded to breathe.  Enjoy every day.  Appreciate what I have.  Relax, I can't control everything.  Live in the moment.  But most importantly, I have to keep breathing...

Croup and an ear infection

My poor little pumpkin has been battling croup and an ear infection for the past week.  She is such a trooper though, she never really acted sick.  I noticed that she wasn't finishing her bottles, and was a little cranky, so I decided to take her to the doctor.

Thank goodness I did!!

She had a raging ear infection, and was diagnosed with croup.  We've been trying to keep the air cooler in the house to help her breathe better, as well as taking her for walks at night.  She is also on oral steroids and antibiotics.  The good news is that she never had a fever, and has been happily playing, so hopefully she is on the mend for good.

Oh, and I realized I never blogged about my weekend with hubby.  It was great!!  We went to Cedar Point (an amusement park in Sandusky, Ohio) and felt like teenagers again.  There was no way I could pass up a little PDA while waiting in line.  LOL!  We got a few strange looks (especially because we both still LOOK like teenagers), but we really enjoyed ourselves.  I'm going to have to workout every day for the rest of my life due to all the junk food I ate, but it was well worth it.  My sister kept Yorlee overnight, and while I REALLY missed her, it was nice to be able to sleep in.  The next day hubby and I went to the movies, out to eat, and then we went and picked up our princess.  I couldn't take it any more, and was nearly in tears during the ride to go get her.  Of course she acted like we were never gone.  My dear girl, I just adore her!!

Also, I purchased a few new pairs of heels.  Mama is going to get her groove back!  I tell ya!

Happy Wednesday everyone! :-)

Pinterest

So..... I just joined Pinterest.  OMG!  Why did I wait so long?  I'm way over my head here people.  I'd love to follow you, please leave your info in the comments.  I need ideas!  Lord, I've really started something now.....

Another baby!?!

The other day I was cleaning out Yorlee's dresser, taking out all of the clothes that are too small, and replacing items with larger sizes, when I stumbled across one of her newborn onesies.  My heart skipped a beat, and I got that warm fuzzy feeling all over.  I held it up for a couple minutes, and then folded it back neatly, but I couldn't bring myself to put it in the bag with all of the other items that she outgrew.  Because.....

I want another baby.

(No, I'm not pregnant.)
I miss the newborn stage.  The soft newborn wrinkles, the tiny lips, that soft cry, tiny diapers.  I miss it all.

Are we ready for another bambino?  Absolutely not.  Do I want to allow Yorlee to take full advantage of being the baby?  Absolutely!

We've been toying with the idea, and the verdict is that we will wait until she is a year old to discuss it.

I would love to work out a way that I could stay home if we were to have another baby.  The cost of daycare alone, for two children would be over $1000 a month.

Deep down inside, I know that having two children will be difficult.  More difficult than I could ever imagine.  And I'm not quite sure that I'm ready for that.  There are still goals that I would like to accomplish before we extend our family.  But the desire remains.  My main concern is that my husband and I make the best decision for our family.  So if we need to wait for awhile so that we can get things in order, that's what we'll do.

In the meantime, I guess I'll just keep looking at those tiny onesies....

Building up confidence

Thank you ladies for being so understanding on my previous post.

I've decided that I am going to try to rebuild my confidence and body image.  Starting tomorrow, I am going to pick out my outfits for the rest of the week, and pair them with cute jewelry and shoes.

Also, I have a hair appointment on Wednesday, so I'll try to get something extra spiffy done.  On Monday, Yorlee is going to daycare (hubs and I are off work) and we are going to the SPA, and then lunch, and we will catch a matinee at the movie theatre.  I'm going to put on my cutest outfit and enjoy spending time with my husband.

I've been feeling sort of down for the past few days.  My temper is kind of short, I think I'm just a little worn out.  It isn't anything in particular.  Just the hustle and bustle of every day life.  I'm so glad that I have a three day weekend coming up.  Can you say R&R?

Here's hoping that everyone has a wonderful week!  Let me leave you with a picture of my little one:

This Mama is feeling like a HOT MESS!!

Code 10!

Woman down!!

Ladies, I feel like a "HOT MESS!!!"  And no, not the, "Oh, did you see what (Insert A List Celeb's name here) wore to the Oscars last night, she looked like a hot mess", kind of hot mess.  I mean, a REAL honest and true hot mess.

I feel like since I became a mommy, I lost my sparkle.  I used to be so trendy.  Cute outfit, cute shoes, cute purse, cute accessories, just cute!  Now... not so much.  Besides the fact that I still want to lose about 15 lbs, I feel like I'm stuck in a rut.

Now Yorlee, she's cute.  She is always fashionable, everything matching, with cute accessories.  I even recently scored some zebra print winter boots for her!  Honestly, balance is still lacking in my life.  In the morning, I get up and get dressed for work without thinking about what I'm wearing.  The preparation is gone.  Well, not entirely.  Sometimes I pick out an outfit that looks fantastic, on the hanger... Once I put it on, all I can see is a muffin top, deflated belly, and thunder thighs.  Ugh!

I need to work out, I recently found a Zumba class near my house, and I'm going to tear it up tonight!!  (As I sit here typing this post while eating a vanilla cupcake with chocolate butter cream frosting.)

I also think it's time for me to say, "Buh-bye!" to my eyeglasses.  I used to only wear them every once and awhile, but now it's an everyday thing.

So, to you Mama's that look totally put together each and every day, I hate you how do you do it?

How did you find your balance?

I'm trying to stop my day from looking like this:

Outside of work, my day is like this:

Hug Yorlee - kiss Yorlee - play with Yorlee - feed Yorlee - teach Yorlee - huh? - Oh, hi hubby - Hug Yorlee - kiss Yorlee - play with Yorlee, etc.

I need my sparkle back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Some pics

I'm back!!

After taking a hiatus from blogging, I'm back and better than ever.  I think the reason for my break is that I was feeling overwhelmed.  Work, parenting, and trying to at least attempt to maintain a social life was really draining.

Yorlee is doing great, she is so mobile and active!  Crawling, pulling up, cruising along furniture, dancing.  Where did my little girl go?  I love her at this stage, but I do feel the slight tug at my heartstrings when I think about her as an infant.  People always ask my husband and I if we want another one, and the answer is YES!  But the timing just isn't right.  I don't really believe that there is ever a "perfect" time to have a child, but it really just is not feasible for us right now.  Our house is too small, daycare is so expensive, I'm already stretched to the max, etc.  Hopefully in a year or so we will be able to add one more to our happy family.

I've been catching up on everyone and I see lots of pregnancy announcements.  Congrats!!

I'm at work so I don't have any pictures, I'll be sure to add some soon.

Oh, and to those that I was friends with on Facebook, I closed my account.  Someone hacked me and was posting crazy things and sending messages to people.

Happy Monday everyone!!

There is a time and a place for everything.

It all started off innocently enough.  I was wanting to become pregnant, and drawn in to blogs speaking about motherhood, babies, child rearing, and filled with other women who had the same dreams that I had.

Eventually, I created an account to keep track and return to some of my favorite blogs, or to see if someone received a BFP after their two week wait was completed.  Soon after, I created my own blog, so that I could document my own journey, in hopes of one day sharing it with my child.

What happened was that I did end up getting pregnant and having a child.  I was able to post my weekly pregnancy updates, belly pics, birth story, and adorable (if I do say so) baby.  Another thing that happened was that I was suddenly a part of a group of mothers, which was great!  I could ask questions, read stories that were similar to my own, compare milestones, get advice, etc.  Along with all of that came cute accessories from Etsy, DIY home improvement projects, fashion, the "Great Diaper Bag Debate of 2010", wants that weren't NEEDS, and a platform for people to showcase their various possessions enticing you to get on there level.

I became lost among this.  And why not?  It's shiny, pretty, and new.  Who wouldn't want to see the new do-dad that so-and-so bought their handsome son?  Or the cute little leggings that such-and-such purchased for their darling daughter?  In this whirlwind of material things, I started to forget what was really important.  TIME.  The amount of time that I spend with my daughter, molding her, instructing her, teaching her is absolutely more important than logging things into the computer.  I started to get more excited over blogging about her accomplishments/milestones, than I did when she actually did them.  Sounds terrible huh?  It is.

Needless to say, I am going on a break from blogging.  I may stop by with a picture, or to recant a funny story.  But all of my time and energy will not be spent at http://this-and-that/.  Same goes for Facebook.

I am going to read more to Yorlee, spend more time talking to her and teaching her about God's word, and showing her that in all things we do, there is a time and a place for everything.

I wish you all the best in your endeavors.